Hey Sexy Lady

It's a new year, and I didn't get around to making any resolutions. I wrote a New Year's post yesterday that was all kinds of irreverent, so I wasn't planning on saying anything else for a while.

But then someone dared me.

This started out innocently. All I did was share the following truth on facebook:

There are some eerie similarities between Gangnam style and the Humpty Dance. Just saying.

And then, well, I was dared to blog about that. And this out of control facebook thread made me feel like I was playing a blogging version of I Never and I was just flat on my face drunk from LOSING.

Or is it winning?

So here I am, drinking bourbon and listening to Katy's Booty Playlist, which is something I worked on when my family was out and I was supposed to be doing something much more productive or mom-like. And I'm writing this damn thing. If that disturbs you, I'm sorry, but hell, at least my kids are asleep.

Now, seriously, there's not a red-blooded American out there who was over the age of 8 years old and under the age of 30 in 1990 who doesn't know the Humpty Dance. If you claim to be the lone holdout, well, WTF was wrong with you?

So, let me just explain why it's obvious that this new craze that's taking over our collectively-impaired social consciousness is not really new AT ALL.

There was already this geeky dude with glasses and an annoying nasally voice who got a bunch of people to do a ridiculous dance, no matter how much of their self respect they had to sacrifice in the process. I mean, maybe PSY upped the ante by sitting on the john during part of the song (no one seemed to mind), but the spirit of the whole thing had been there more than 20 years ago.

Come on...hips side to side...hands in the air, awkward pelvic grinding...hands on his own ass...

"it's supposed to look like a fit or a convulsion..."

"ya got it down when ya appear to be in pain."

"First I limp to the side like my leg was broken
Shakin' and twitchin' kinda like I was smokin'
Crazy wack funky"

Are you trying to tell me that PSY wasn't doing all of that during Gangnam style? Come on!

The purposely ironic clothes, the dude making fun of himself for being skinny or nerdy or whatever, the fact that it can't really be possible that this shit is so freaking ridiculously popular, the lyrics that you can understand, sure, because they aren't in Korean, but you can't really believe that they're real:

"I'm spunky. I like my oatmeal lumpy."

"I'll eat up all your crackers and your licorice
hey yo fat girl, c'mere--are ya ticklish?
Yeah, I called ya fat."

"I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom." (LL was at Red Lobster, so maybe that was a thing back in 89-90? Now, don't say it...I was only 14 then).

"'cause in a 69 my humpty nose will tickle ya rear."

"I use a word that don't mean nothin', like looptid
I sang on Doowhutchalike, and if ya missed it,
I'm the one who said just grab 'em in the biscuits"

I just don't want to live in a world where anyone will tell me that PSY isn't basically saying the same stuff. So, friends who speak Korean, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. Because he paid all the homage he needed to pay, practically telling us all that he was trying to be the Korean Digital Underground:

HEY SEXY LADY!